Consumption be done about it? Of cough!
I have had an atrocious lurgy since Sunday. Amidst this enforced R&R, I have learnt of a scientific marvel. Cough medicine is the stickiest substance known to man (although I do not discount the possibility that small children could come up with something stickier if set the challenge).
The pharmaceutical companies must have a helluva time when making it, because, sharing the pain, they feel compelled to sell this stuff to us in a “guaranteed-to-drip” bottle. No matter how diligent you are when pouring out cough mixture into one of those ludicrous plastic dosing spoons, it will drip down the side of the bottle. Speed is irrelevant, and you can apply all the wrist snaps and bottle flourishes with which a master sommelier keeps the cabernet drip off the white tablecloth, to no avail. It will drool and it will drip down the side of the bottle.
And the drip will not be removed. Try and wipe that bottle clean. Wipe that bottle until the label comes off in shreds. You can guarantee that when you pick up the cough medicine bottle for your next dose, it will be sticky. Yep, on your fingers, fly-paper sticky. Not only that, but every other container which is in any sort of proximity to it, in the medicine cabinet or drugs drawer, will also be sticky. This is contagious sticky. And it’s cumulative – every dose from that bottle inevitably adds to the stickiness.
In fact, the stuff isn’t that sticky in the gluey sense of the word. Sure, it is sticky enough to adhere the bottle into its own cardboard box; ripping off the box in sections is always a prelude to the second or third dose from that bottle, in my experience. And sticky enough to gum your fingers to the bottle, and then your fingers to the next five things you pick up. But it probably won’t take over from tar in the “tar and feathering” game either.
However, it must be the stickiest thing known to man when you add in the tenacity factor. Because it just does not give up. The Duracell Bunny has nothing on this stuff. It's like magma. Years later, when any ordinary substance would have dried up or melted away, the cough syrup drips on the outside of the bottle will still be sticky.
A scientific marvel indeed, just itching to find a practical and useful application. If only it stopped you coughing.
The pharmaceutical companies must have a helluva time when making it, because, sharing the pain, they feel compelled to sell this stuff to us in a “guaranteed-to-drip” bottle. No matter how diligent you are when pouring out cough mixture into one of those ludicrous plastic dosing spoons, it will drip down the side of the bottle. Speed is irrelevant, and you can apply all the wrist snaps and bottle flourishes with which a master sommelier keeps the cabernet drip off the white tablecloth, to no avail. It will drool and it will drip down the side of the bottle.
And the drip will not be removed. Try and wipe that bottle clean. Wipe that bottle until the label comes off in shreds. You can guarantee that when you pick up the cough medicine bottle for your next dose, it will be sticky. Yep, on your fingers, fly-paper sticky. Not only that, but every other container which is in any sort of proximity to it, in the medicine cabinet or drugs drawer, will also be sticky. This is contagious sticky. And it’s cumulative – every dose from that bottle inevitably adds to the stickiness.
In fact, the stuff isn’t that sticky in the gluey sense of the word. Sure, it is sticky enough to adhere the bottle into its own cardboard box; ripping off the box in sections is always a prelude to the second or third dose from that bottle, in my experience. And sticky enough to gum your fingers to the bottle, and then your fingers to the next five things you pick up. But it probably won’t take over from tar in the “tar and feathering” game either.
However, it must be the stickiest thing known to man when you add in the tenacity factor. Because it just does not give up. The Duracell Bunny has nothing on this stuff. It's like magma. Years later, when any ordinary substance would have dried up or melted away, the cough syrup drips on the outside of the bottle will still be sticky.
A scientific marvel indeed, just itching to find a practical and useful application. If only it stopped you coughing.
posted by peter @ 3:19 pm
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